Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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