I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
is it fun? or sober?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
