her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
