dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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