i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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