pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize