I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
