so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize