shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
