im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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