So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
