she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
