It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
