hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
