He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
This girl is more easily done than said...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My penis needs a shock collar
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
