Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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