I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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