And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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