We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
