it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
