we have pet lesbian snakes
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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