so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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