I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
