I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
