Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
