haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
