): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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