her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
