break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
