haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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