she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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