I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
