So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
