I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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