KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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