I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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