Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
