i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
