i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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