Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
