4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
