I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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