Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
