If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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