This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
