our cab driver is having phone sex.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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