We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
