3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
