Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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