I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
