i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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