I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
