This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize