I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
third nipple confirmed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
