i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
