the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
