Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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