Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
