I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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