i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize