I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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