youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Randomize
