My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
