listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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