Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize