Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
