So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
