I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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